Disappointment - PreciousMetalShipping
by Minish-Mae
Summary: Silver has always been a disappointment to his father. He's never been good enough for him. Throughout his journey, he's tried everything he could to get his father's approval. And though he knows deep down it's not worth it, he can't help but strive for his father's acceptance. Gold knows he shouldn't interfere, but he needs to know why Silver is always so upset and angry.


' _Great, he's here too ...'_

That was all Silver could think of when he saw his rival, Gold, appear before him on Victory Road. After all the battles, after all the losses, even after all he had been through, he was still behind Gold no matter what happened. No matter how much effort he put into everything he did, he was still far behind his rival. He didn't understand. What was he truly lacking? Was what Lance said true? Was his bond with his Pokemon not as capable as Gold's? He knew his Pokemon were strong, but everytime Gold found him, it always ended the same; Silver's Pokemon flopped on the ground, and a furious rage building in his chest.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard his rival start spurting nonsense, as always.

"Silver, you're here to!" Gold said happily, "I guess you beat Claire after all, huh?"

Silver took that as a rude remark and retaliated back, "Of course I beat her! Do you really think I'm that weak?!"

Gold sighed, "I see your attitude hasn't changed though. Are you going to the Pokemon League?"

"I think the question is, are _you_ going to the Pokemon League, Gold?"

Gold nodded and heard a quiet snicker come from Silver. Silver looked to his rival, shaking his head.

"Don't make me laugh! You're so much weaker than I am! I'm not like I was before, you know. I know have the best and strongest Pokemon with me! I'm … I'm invincible!"

Silver walked towards Gold, and pulled out a pokeball, extending his arm out to his rival. "Gold, I challenge you!"

Gold accepted his challenge, pulled out a pokeball of his own and threw out Typhlosion. A bright light engulfed the pokeball and a large fire breathing Pokemon emerged, roaring at its opponent. Silver was glad his challenge was accepted and tossed out the Pokeball. Out came a rather feral looking Pokemon. It roared as it slashed its tail from side to side.

"My Feraligatr has gotten a lot tougher since I saw you last at Goldenrod. You really think you can beat me?" Silver asked, rather cocky.

"Of course we can! Don't underestimate us, either!"

With that, the trainers sent their Pokemon into battle, straight at each other.

The battle seemed to last an eternity, each monster giving it their all. Wave after wave came, and soon each boy was down to their last partner. On Gold's side, a rather exasperated Pidgeot flew in the air; it's wings barely able to keep it afloat. On Silver's side, stood his Sneasel. The small Pokemon was on one knee, glaring at the oversized bird before it. Silver knew he could win this time. His Pokemon was hanging on by a thread, but if he had learned anything on his journey it was weakness. He knew he could win this battle. This would be the first time he had ever beaten Gold. And he was about to enjoy this moment of glory.

"Sneasel, use Ice Beam, quick!" Silver commanded, outstretching his arm.

The small black Pokemon nodded, and let out a cry as it readied it's glacial attack. Silver could see the panic in Gold's eyes and his Pokemon's. He was so ready for this moment. All this training he had done, all those losses. It was finally coming to an end.

"Pidgeot, dodge it and use-" Gold was cut off as the erupting sound of the ice blast burst from Sneasel's mouth. Running out of time, Gold called out one of Pidgeot's moves, "Roost!"

Pidgeot obeyed and raised it's wings. Feathers flew loose and fell around the giagantic bird, healing it just as the ice beam hit. Silver's eyes narrowed as the dust and debris settled around the Pidgeot. Had it fainted? Was it still standing?

When the dust cleared, Pidgeot was still standing, barely holding on. Silver clenched his fists and swore under his breath. How was this happening? That Ice Beam should have finished his Pidgeot; full health or not.

"Alright, Pidgeot, finish Sneasel off with Twister!" Gold cried.

Pidgeot flew up above the battlefield and whipped around it's tired wings, batting up gale force winds. Silver watched in horror as his Sneasel was swept up into the winds. If he didn't think of something, Sneasel was going to faint for sure.

"Sneasel, use Slash!" Silver commanded.

Barely able to keep it's own balance, Sneasel took it's claws and slashed awkwardly at Pidgeot, just barely scraping its belly. The bird cried out and the winds settled. Both Pokemon fell to the ground hard, and fell unconscious.

Both boys stared at their Pokemon, unable to confirm what just happened. Gold walked up to his Pidgeot and knelt down beside it, holding it in his arms. He reached for it's Pokeball and smiled down at the injured Pokemon.

"You did great, Pidgeot," he said, calling it back, "you deserve a nice rest."

Silver glared at his fallen Pokemon and called it back without any words of sympathy or thanks. He diverted his attention away from Gold and felt that rage once again building up inside of him.

" _Every god damn time! It doesn't matter what I do! It doesn't matter if I train, choose a different tactic … in the end I'm always losing."_

Gold stood up and smiled at Silver, "That was a good battle. You actually almost got me!"

Silver glared at Gold and shook his head, "I wasn't good enough." he mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah, but neither of us won. It was a draw." Gold tried to explain.

"But I still didn't win!" Silver exclaimed, turning to his rival, "I haven't won against you even once! Do you know how infuriating that is!?"

Gold had never seen his rival like this. He could get mad, and he could throw a tantrum after he lost, but he had never been this upset before.

"Why do you even care if you win against me?" Gold asked, "You win against everyone else. So why is it that you need to win against me? Is it just because I'm your rival? I'm sure you'll get me someda-"

"It's none of your business!" Silver hollered, "Just take your victory and go to the Pokemon League!"

"Why are you acting like this? Just calm down, dude." Gold said quietly.

"You wouldn't be calm if your dad disowned you for being weak." Silver finally said.

At that moment, Gold froze up and became speechless. He knew Giovanni was his father, but he had no idea that he had disowned Silver. He should have expected it. With the way they talked back at Goldenrod, it was almost certain that's what was going on.

Without another word, Silver pushed past Gold and walked out of the cave. Angry, loud footsteps echoed in the walls as he exited. Gold turned to follow him. He couldn't undo time to make it so Silver could win, and he couldn't change how his dad treated him. But the best he could do was atone for not understanding.

"Heal my Pokemon," Silver dictated Nurse Joy, "Now."

"Uh, yes, right away, young man!" Nurse Joy replied as cheery as ever.

Silver waited impatiently as his Pokemon were being healed. He knew Gold was on his trail and if Joy didn't hurry up soon, his happy-go-lucky partner would catch up to him in no time at had ran all the way to Viridian City, and he'd be shocked if Gold had found him. He heard the healing jingle from the machine and saw Nurse Joy coming back with his Pokeballs.

"You're Pokemon have been fully resto-"

"Yeah thanks, lady." he replied, snatching his Pokemon up and walking for the exit.

The sliding glass doors opened up and standing before him was Gold. He couldn't help but feel annoyed and enraged when he saw him. Why did he feel the need to show his presence around him. He won against him. He doesn't need to gloat. He should just go to the Pokemon League and win already.

"Why are you here?" Silver asked in a low tone, "Go become the champion already!"

"I wanted to make sure you were ok …" Gold replied softly.

"Well don't. I'm fine. Now leave me alone."

Before Silver could get an inch away from him, Gold grabbed him by his sleeve. Silver's only reaction was to tug away from him the moment he felt his grasp.

"Why do you even care about me!?" he wailed, "I told you to leave me alone!"

"Because you're my friend, and friends look out for each other." Gold responded with a small smile.

Silver, disgusted by that cute smile of his, tugged away and walked away, murmuring under his breath.

"We're not friends. We never were. Now stop following me."

"Silver, we can talk this out."

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Silver finally screamed out.

Everyone within earshot was now glancing their way. Silver felt trapped beneath the gazes of all these people and took off, booking it. He needed to get away from everyone, from all his troubles, from Gold.

He took shortcuts and twists and turns and finally lost Gold and the crowd in an alleyway. Viridian City was huge, and trying to lose Gold in this massive city was tougher than anything. His legs felt like jello and stung from the pain of running. He collapsed under his own weight, and fell to a sitting position, leaning against the alleyway wall.

Silver let out a loud sigh and stared up at the cloudy sky above him. He had a headache. Not just a headache that would go away after a while. It was a mind splitting, agonizing migraine. His face felt hot from anger and he just wanted to scream to let it all out. His life had never been an ideal one, and sometimes he even wondered if it was worth living. No family, no friends, no home; and though he never would accept approval from his father even if he was to get it, it's what he needed the most. He just wanted someone to think he wasn't worthless.

"Am I really that worthless?" He asked in a defeated tone. Sadness was taking over his voice and it could be heard echo in the dark alley. "Will I ever be good enough?"

"You're not worthless."

Silver's question was directed at no one, but of course someone overheard his pathetic spiel. He looked to the right and saw Gold standing there, looking at Silver sadly. At that point, the redhead gave up. He couldn't run from him forever. Gold was persistent and even more annoying, but his persistence was what Silver liked the most.

"You never give up, do you?" Silver asked. He tried to regain himself and force his voice back to normal.

Gold came to a sitting position next to SIlver and looked at him. "I couldn't just let you leave like that. I just needed to make sure you were alright."

"Well, you found me," Silver replied, waving his hand about, "I'm alright as you can see."

"No you're not. I can tell."

' _Damn it, Gold, just go ..'_ Silver thought, ' _It won't be pretty if you persist like this …'_

"Hey, for the record, I know how it feels. To have a dad leave you I mean." Gold stated. "I honestly don't remember my dad. He just left when I was a baby and I haven't seen him since."

Silver didn't reply. Several thoughts ran through his mind.

' _Not having a dad from the beginning is better than being abandoned ...'_

' _You don't know shit about me. Just go away.'_

' _He understands how I feel … in a way, I guess ...'_

"It was wrong for Giovanni to disown you. And I'm so, so sorry that he did. You don't need to prove anything to him if that's what you're trying to do. An asshole dad shouldn't need your respect, and you shouldn't respect him either."

"Back on that first day, when we met …" Silver said quietly. It was almost too quiet, but Gold caught part of it.

"I only stole Totodile because I wanted to impress my dad. He … he said I was weak. If I could steal and train that Totodile …"

Silver began shaking and the sorrow could be heard in his voice. He buried his head in his knees and spoke in a shaky voice. "All this time I tried to impress him, but I knew deep down I was never good enough for him! I'm such a disappointment to him!"

"Silver …" Gold said, outstretching his arm. Just as he made contact with Silver's back, the redhead boy turned to him, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Gold, I am extremely sorry for how I've acted towards you." he whimpered, "I only did it because I knew … if I acted weak, I'd never win the approval of my dad. So I acted like the biggest dick ever. I'm … so sorry …"

Silver was shocked when Gold embraced him in a warm hug. He felt completely vulnerable and almost naked. He never let anyone hold him like this since his mother such a long time ago. Small sobs escaped him as he buried his face into Gold's shoulder. He closed his eyes and began sobbing into his rival's shoulder, not even caring anymore what Gold thought of him.

Gold could feel his rival shaking violently in his arms. He never expected to see angry Silver like this. It was almost surreal. He rubbed his back in circular motions, trying to assure Silver he was here for him. He felt so bad for him. No human being should ever have to go through this, and at such a young age too. In all honesty, he wished he didn't have to see him like this.

"You really don't need to apologize." Gold spoke in a soft, choked up voice. In fact, seeing Silver like this almost broke him, and one could tell in his voice. "You had every right to be angry and strive to get your dad's attention. But in the end, he's not even worth it."

"Gold …" Silver wept.

' _What're you doing … pull yourself together you big baby! How could you let yourself act like this around him!_

"You're not a disappointment, Silver. Don't ever think that. If I was your dad, I'd be pretty damn proud of you for making it to Victory Road."

Silver parted from the hug, and stared at the ground. His cheeks were wet with tears and his eyes were red. Hiccups escaped him every other moment and he tried to regain himself.

"I'm … I'm sorry."

"For what ..?"

"Everything …"

"I've always been jealous of you Gold. You're loved by everyone, and you're incredibly strong. Your Pokemon love and trust you … I just wanted to be like you. Is that too much to ask?"

"Silver, we've battled so many times, and I can honestly say you've come a long way. You're really strong too and your Pokemon adore you. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if your Golbat evolves soon! It seems to like you a whole lot!"

"Thanks, I guess …"

Gold stood up and reached a hand out to help Silver to his feet. They stood there for a moment just looking at each other. Silver looked away and a flush covered his damp cheeks.

"Gold …"

"Hm?"

"Can .. can we hug on it?"

"We just hugged it out, silly!" Gold laughed.

Silver bit the inside of his cheek. _That sounded stupid. I should have known I'd embarrass myse-_

He was met with yet another embrace from Gold, this time a tighter, friendlier hug. It was still just as comforting. He buried his face in the nape of Gold's neck and sighed. He hadn't noticed before because he kept his distance, but Gold smelled nice.

"But if you need another hug, then I have no objections!" Gold said happily.

"I haven't had a hug in so long. It feels … nice."

"See? All you needed to do was talk it out with someone! And it was nice to see a not-so-mean side of you."

Silver broke the hug once again and looked away, crossing his arms at his chest. "Yeah, you saw a side of me NO ONE should have ever seen!"

Gold saw Silver forcing an angry frown and couldn't help but laugh. "I know you're grateful. And I'm glad I could help!"

"Oh, shut up, Gold!" Silver retaliated. "I just needed to … let it out …"

"And I'm glad you did. Now I finally understand where you were coming from."

Suddenly, Gold was met with a brisk punch at his shoulder. His free hand immediately went to his injured shoulder.

"Don't EVER tell a soul what happened here. Got it?" Silver commanded, angrily.

"Alright … I got it …" Gold said, rubbing his shoulder. _There's the old Silver …_

Silver's frown broke into a small smile and his face was one of gratitude.

"Thank you, Gold." Silver said. There was no wisecrack or attitude in his reply. It was a sincere thank-you. "All this time I really just needed to talk it out and I'm glad it was you I talked with."

"It was nothing!" Gold said, bringing his arms behind his head. "I'm just glad I could help."

He turned to walk down the alleyway and turned to Silver, "Now come on, man. We're going to the Pokemon League."

Silver nodded and followed his rival as they raced down the busy streets of Viridian City and ran back to Victory Road.

Perhaps Lance was right. What Silver lacked was love and trust. But he was finally beginning to understand that. Even if it was nearing the end of his journey, he was glad he actually talked out his problems with someone. Even if had been the one person he loathed so much. Though in reality, he had never realized, he should have treasured the time he spent with Gold on this journey. Instead he acted like an ass on their entire adventure. Even if Gold forgave him for everything he ever said or did to him, it didn't make up for his attitude at all.

Though … it was a start.

It was comforting to know he wasn't a disappointment to Gold.


End file.
